Tom Heidtke
I was tagged by my cousin Marlene Melcher a few weeks ago, shortly before I headed off to Canada on a couple of fishing trips. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get this done. I also apologize for its length.
1. My greatest fear in both junior high and high school was public speaking. If I knew I had to give a book report or a speech in front of my classmates, I had trouble sleeping for days in advance. When I stood to give my report, my hands would tremble and I had trouble breathing for the first few minutes. Thankfully the anxiety would eventually fade as I was speaking.
2. When I headed off to Ann Arbor in the fall of 1965 to begin my freshman year at Michigan, I wasn’t prepared for the sudden freedom and independence that awaited me. I lacked the self-discipline and maturity to be a responsible student. I was still a kid. I wasn’t organized. I wasn’t motivated academically, at least not like so many other students around me. I didn’t understand the importance of preparation and commitment for achieving academic success. It almost cost me.
3. After spending two years behaving like a young, untrained Labrador Retriever chasing Frisbees by a busy expressway, I got married in August 1968 and finally began to take school seriously. Although we were divorced 10 years later, I owe my first wife so much. She brought stability into my life at a time when I could have failed academically. Her love and support turned things around for me.
4. Ann Arbor has been my home for the last 50 years. I finished my B.S.E. in Industrial Engineering at The University of Michigan in 1970, my M.S.E. in Civil Engineering (Water Resources Engineering) in 1972, and my PhD in Civil Engineering (Water Resources Engineering) in 1976. It seemed like I was in school forever.
5. Why would someone who had such an intense dread of public speaking choose to pursue a career in academia? It had a lot to do with two of my professors at Michigan. I was far from the smartest student in my classes. I frequently struggled to learn material that others seemed to grasp with little difficulty. However, two or three of my profs always made the lights go on. They knew how to clarify complex topics … as if I had given them a set of questions in advance of their lectures. They inspired me. If they could help someone like me achieve an understanding of the material, then perhaps I could find a career doing the same for others. At that moment I knew I wanted to be a teacher. My anxiety and fear of speaking in front of a group of people became less of an obstacle after that.
6. After finishing my PhD, I began working at the Great Lakes Basin Commission in Ann Arbor while teaching in the Civil Engineering Department at The University of Michigan as an adjunct assistant professor. Five years later … in August of 1981 … I accepted a position as an associate professor of civil engineering at Wayne State University. I retired 29 years later at the age of 63. Back surgery, combined with the grueling daily commute between Ann Arbor and Detroit, was just too much.
7. I won’t get into specifics of my career at Wayne State except for one which relates to something I mentioned earlier. I received 13 Teaching Excellence Awards while I was there, including the President’s Award for Excellence in Teaching. That award is given annually to 4 of the more than 1500 faculty members within the University. If you’re interested, you can access an article about my retirement by clicking on the following link:
http://engineering.wayne.edu/news.php?id=9028&date=2011-06
8. I’ve been married to my second wife for 28 years. Her name is Jo and she’s an incredible woman. She underwent a kidney transplant in 1990. Twenty-five years later she’s living an almost normal life. She must take immuno-suppressant medications daily to prevent rejection of the kidney, but that’s about it. Her younger sister donated the kidney that is keeping my wife alive today. Those two sisters were almost a perfect genetic match, which is probably why things have gone so well for so long. Jo still works 3 days a week as a certified hand therapist at Chelsea Hospital. She loves her job and doesn’t want to retire until she reaches age 66, which is 4 ½ years away.
9. Back in 1987, after Jo’s progressive kidney failure was diagnosed and we knew she would eventually require either dialysis or a transplant to survive, her doctors made it clear she could never have children. We could still consider adoption at a later time, but she would never be able to withstand a normal pregnancy. We had no children at that point but were planning to have at least one within the next few years. Jo’s illness apparently changed all that.
10. I accepted what the doctors told us. Jo did not. She wanted a second opinion. So we found another doctor, someone who came highly recommended by several close friends. He was much older than any of Jo’s previous doctors. Before we met with him, he carefully reviewed the details of her medical history. After a 30-minute discussion among the three of us, he looked directly at Jo and said “You will be a great mom. If you can get pregnant within the next 4 months, I promise it will all turn out okay”. KABOOM! Everything turned upside-down in those 30 minutes. Suddenly it seemed there was still a chance. Jo was deliriously happy. I was happy but not deliriously happy. To be truthful, I wasn’t sure I was hearing good news or bad. Was this new doctor just a natural-born optimist who was overlooking the risk of a pregnancy to my wife’s health? Was he exhibiting signs of early-stage alzheimer’s disease? Or was he an exceptional doctor who was giving us one final opportunity to have our own child? It didn’t matter. When he spoke those few words to us, I looked at my wife’s face and immediately knew the game plan. It was non-negotiable. In spite of her weakened state, Jo was ready for the challenge. For the first time in a long time we both felt some honest optimism about the future. It was March 1988 when we walked out of that doctor’s appointment.
11. Alex Heidtke was born two-months premature in January 1989. His lungs weren’t quite ready and he struggled for the first week, but then he was fine.
12. Jo had her kidney transplant in November 1990. I swear she looked like a different person one day after the transplant surgery … happy, full of energy, normal color in her face replacing the look of a ghost, a new mom, ready to enjoy the rest of her life. Fast forward almost 25 years and she is doing exactly that.
13. I’ve been driving either a Chevrolet Caprice wagon or a Buick Roadmaster wagon for the last 3 decades. My son and all his friends always loved my Roadmaster wagons. At one point I had three of them parked in my driveway. The neighbors always starred when they drove past our house. They probably thought I was a little … off. After all, who would have 3 old woody wagons parked in his driveway? This guy, that’s who. Today I’m still driving a 1996 Roadmaster wagon.
14. During almost 30 years of commuting between Ann Arbor and Detroit, I never had a single accident. I never touched another car with mine. All those cold winter nights leaving campus after an evening class and then driving home on I-94 or I-96, the icy, slippery expressways, the massive trucks driving past at excessive speeds and spraying gallons of slush on my windshield, the long delays waiting for an accident to be cleared … I never hit another vehicle. Nobody ever hit me. It was blind luck. I’m glad it’s over.
15. I was stopped just once while driving to work. A State Police officer pulled me over on I-94 near Dearborn. He politely pointed out that I was driving too slow for the rest of the traffic. If I couldn’t maintain a speed of at least 60-65 mph, he proposed I take some side roads the rest of the way. I explained I was breaking in my brand new Roadmaster and the owner’s manual specified I should keep my speed under 50 mph for the first 100 miles. I was already exceeding that limit by driving 60 mph. He chuckled and told me to pick up the pace or get off the expressway. I decided to pick up the pace.
16. I had only one sibling … my sister Patty. She was 9 years younger than me. Patty died unexpectedly in 2012. I still can’t believe she’s gone.
17. My Dad passed away in 2005. My Mom passed in 2011. My sister died a year later. My dog, who made it to 17, died in 2009. I know my story isn’t unique, but it seemed like so many important faces and voices left my life in a relatively short period of time.
18. Excluding my wife and son, I have one living relative remaining from my side of the family. Marlene Melcher, fellow AHHS ’65 classmate and member of the 50th class reunion planning committee, is my cousin. She is a terrific person and I’m lucky to have her as my cousin. Hi Marlene!!! Thank you for always remembering my birthday … July 4th. KABOOM!
19. I met two of my closest friends during my sophomore year at Michigan. We all loved to fish. We lost touch for a few years but finally crossed paths at a Michigan football game in 1971. Before we went our separate ways that day, we decided to take a week-long fishing trip to Lake Vermilion in northern Minnesota the following summer. We had so much fun we did it again the following year. Earlier this month I returned from my 42nd fishing trip with those same two guys. We’ve only missed going on that annual trip twice in 44 years.
20. My Dad never went to college but he was a raging lunatic when it came to sports, especially UM and MSU sports. He liked the teams of both schools. My heart was always in Ann Arbor from the moment I first saw the winged helmets, which pretty much tells you what a shallow person I am. My aunt Helen, who was the only member of our family to attend college before me, took me to my first college football game in Ann Arbor when I was 10 years old. When I walked into The Big House that day to watch Michigan play Navy, I was hopelessly hooked. I knew I wanted to come to Ann Arbor, live my life there, and go to as many Michigan football games as possible. I kept that to myself.
21. I’m much like my Dad when it comes to sports. Although I’m a Michigan fan first and foremost, I never developed a dislike for Michigan State. I don’t resent their success. When I arrived in Ann Arbor in the fall of 1965, Michigan football was on a downward trend. Michigan State was a powerhouse program along with Notre Dame and Ohio State. I actually drove to East Lansing in the fall of 1966 to watch the famous 10-10 tie between Notre Dame and Michigan State. There were so many great players on the field that day along with two legendary college coaches, Duffy Daugherty and Ara Parsegian.
22. I won’t say anything more about sports with one exception. There was only one team, college or professional, we despised at my house when I was growing up. We hated Ohio State. I still feel that way, but now it’s much worse. Which is why my most memorable moment following Michigan football came in November 1969. I was in the stadium that day. Ohio State was #1 in the country and the defending national champs. Many experts considered them to be the best college team of all-time. I expected to see a brutal, one-sided game and that’s exactly what happened. I just had the winner and loser mixed up. Bo Schembechler brought Michigan back to college football’s elite on that afternoon. It began a long run of winning seasons, bowl games, and great expectations every fall.
23. I smoked 2 or 3 good cigars every day for nearly 30 years. I gave up tobacco altogether 3 years ago. I still miss those cigars.
24. I used to unwind from the stress of my job by running 5 days a week. The combination of arthritis and spinal stenosis brought my running days to a halt in my late 50s. I finally underwent back surgery in 2007. Now I exercise for about an hour a day at a local wellness center. I spend 40 minutes on an elliptical, 15 minutes walking, and 10-15 minutes shooting baskets if the court is open. Exercise helps control my back pain better than any medication I’ve ever taken. Without it, I would be miserable.
25. When I was a young boy, I always wanted to be done with school. When I was finally done with school, I wanted to be done with work. I always looked forward to the day I would retire at age 55, when I would surely have enough time and money to go fishing on every cool, cloudy day. That didn’t happen. When my Dad would hear me saying these things, he would look at me with a smile on his face and say “Tom, don’t wish your life away.” I dismissed those words back then, but he was right. I think I wished too much of my life away.
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